What is your greatest challenge?

[Ashley Linne]

What is your greatest challenge as a single parent?

Where do you go for support?

Has your church played a role in equipping you as a single parent?

[Phil Davis]

The greatest challenge for me as a single parent is getting things done around the house while still carving out time for the children...and myself. In a marriage situation, there is a division of labor, which creates open space and time. In a single parent situation, this open space is truncated, and I am the one responsible for cooking, cleaning the house, the yard work, dishes, laundry, etc. My experience is that one of these always suffers. Either the exterior (yard work, maintenance, etc.) gets my proper attention but the interior (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) suffers as a result, and the house is a wreck. Or vice versa, the interior gets my attention and the exterior looks like a jungle. If I try to commit myself to both, there's just no time for the kids and while they are asking to play and seeking attention, I'm cranking at getting "stuff" done. That's unacceptable for me...so in the end something suffers in the world of keeping up the house.

To make matters worse, because I never feel my house is in good enough shape to have friends over, I usually spend free time away from the house. Because I'm not home for much of the time I need for "me", things pile on and there's more work that makes me feel even more overwhelmed.

Anyway, that's my biggest challenge. Don't know if this makes sense for anyone else, but I'm really unsure how to change this dynamic.

My church hasn't played any kind of role in equipping me as a single parent.

[Ashley Linne]

Thank you for your honesty, Phil. I grew up in a single-parent home and found much of what you said to be very true in our experience.

Please let us know how we might be able to equip single parents here at P2P and also through the Life Truths material. Your ideas and input are so very valuable.

[Theresa Swope]

It makes perfect sense to me. And then there is the added challenge of when you get sick. I have health issues that make me tired and sick a lot and of course when the one parent is sick, there is no one to handle the kids and house while you rest. My children take advantage of when I don't feel well and tear the house apart. Then as you say, in addition to not feeling well, I have the added sense of being overwhelmed because I know what is awaiting me when I get up and going again. My previous church did not do much to help. In fact, my preacher actually visited me in the hospital one of the times I was in there and suggested I move back where my parents live. Like that is a practical solution. He made me feel with some of his comments that he felt I shouldn't have called on the church to help. He really made me feel guilty for asking for help. (The only help I asked for was for one of the other moms to come get my children until my parents could get down here). Recently I changed churches and they are the ones who told us about this site. Additionally, I have a single friend who doesn't have custody but spends a lot of time with his daughter and he attends that church as well, so there is at least a little support there.

[Ashley Linne]

Wow... this hurts my heart. The church should be the greatest source of love and help that any person could have in his or her life. What do you think could be done to help churches and ministry leaders better understand the unique needs of single parents?

On a side note, do your churches have small groups, home groups, community groups, support groups, or the like? I am wondering if perhaps these may be the best avenues for support and assistance in times of need?

[Theresa Swope]

Our church has a couple of singles Sunday Schools, but neither is dedicated to single parents. As far as I know that's all they have, but I am new to it and still learning about everything they have.

[Robert Matheny]

The greatest challenge for me would be making sure each child receives some "daddy time." Some days we get so busy, I need to start focusing on slowing things down a bit. I rely on the Lord for support for sure, but I don't have friends or family really to help me out. Our church has about 90 active, but I think I may be one of the only single parents active. Another outlet I have is my creativity, be it writing, art, or music.