talking to your kids about sex

[Ashley Linne]

I'm going to be doing a project for one of my graduate courses here soon and would like to develop a curriculum of sorts to help parents talk to their kids about sex. My goal would be to help parents establish a line of communication early on and keep it open throughout and beyond the teen years. Teens are getting their information from so many sources these days, and their parents should be and can be the primary source!

So, you can help me by letting me know:
-am I on the right track? Is this something you need?
-what sorts of things would benefit you in this sort of curriculum?
-could you see yourself teaching something like this to other parents in your church?
-do you have any stories about these tough conversations?
-how old were your kids when you started talking about sex with them?
-have you seen any research on this topic?
-any other input?

You are my valuable resources!!! :)

[Susan J. Hetrick]

Hi Ashley! Fun subject you got there!
I started talking with my kids when they were little - like age 2 or 3. Talking about their bodies (what this part is, etc.) and answering questions was just a natural bath-time discussion for us. I used the book "Where did I come from?" for specific answers to the question "How are babies made?" when my kids were like 7 years old, because my own parents didn't talk to me when I was young and I had to figure out a lot on my own (not a recommended method!) I've continued these discussions with my kids (they are 17 and 15 now) and my daughter has always come to me with questions and just to talk. My son, not so much, but he knows he can ask his dad or stepdad - and he has. I've used movies and videos that they have watched to spark discussion of why certain behaviors are risky, and the dangers of STDs, and why God wants us to save ourselves for marriage. When they began dating I brought up the subjects of proper boundaries, understanding the physical and emotional signals they were getting, and how to make good, moral decisions. Current news stories make a good springboard for discussion as well, such as: teens "sexting" and why AIDS is still rampant. I really don't know if I would have used a "curriculum" even if it had been available; some folks like to have classes and textbooks on how to teach their kids stuff, but I'm just not that kind of parent I guess. Best of luck with this! ~Susan

[Ashley Linne]

great input, Susan!! Just what I was looking for. :) Thank you!!

[Marcos A. Rondineli]

Ashley, grandparent worried about sexual education of a grandson aged 6. This is me.
Excelent what Susan suggested. Starting early makes it all easier, for sure.
Well, from my experience, I'll answer your questions:
-am I on the right track? Is this something you need?
Yes, you are on the right track. I need my grandson to live in a better world and teaching about the "modus operandis" of making life is absolutly the best way for him to learn. Truth shall be taught, is my thinking about the subject.
-what sorts of things would benefit you in this sort of curriculum?
Well, not me, as I said, but by understand the dinamics of desires and fades upon pleasure children will deal better with their partners, indeed.
-could you see yourself teaching something like this to other parents in your church?
Clearly anyone can explain to the other that our private parts give us pleasure and shall continue hided because of their power of attraction or repell... Intimacy shall be preserved and it is not hard to teach that.
-do you have any stories about these tough conversations?
Yes, I do, but ... how to tell about them here? You can explain children, personally, by allowing them to naturally understand that father and mother do share intimacy. How to avoid children from seeing the act and understanding it? With the help of drawings, I guess, if you are not prepared to actually do it in front of them. They could accept it, thou, if grown up enough to understand fertility. I don't know... maybe I'm too opened to my time. I believe truth is the only way to go and hiding it from children will not lead them to fully comprehend their nature in order to grow up secure of themselves.
-how old were your kids when you started talking about sex with them?
About teenagers, the boy around 16, and not much, the girl around 13 and well enough.
-have you seen any research on this topic?
Sorry, I didn't get the point here. The topic is primary on the importance and relevance of good formation of characters, and this is the reason I believe it has to be based on the truth from parents to children.
-any other input?
Happy to share my insanities.

You are a valuable source. :)

[Ashley Linne]

thank you, Marcos! :)

[Nic Allen]

Okay - so what I'm about to write may not be what you are looking for as far as answers to your specific questions are concerned, but, it's a tagline I've been using in my talks with parents about "the talk" for years.

Talk to your kids about sex...often! I think the mistake most parents make is having a really great discussion with their pre-teen about "birds and bees" so that they can check it off their list of things you are supposed to do as parents.

You're right that that teens are getting their info about sex from so many sources. They're getting it from so many sources and they're getting it SO often. One conversation about abstinence and life long commitment and honoring God with sexuality is not near enough.

Not sure how we're gonna travel those waters with our girls (now age 2 1/2 and 17 months) but I know when we do, it will be regular. Really really regular! My prayer is that we won't make the mistake of thinking one conversation about abstinence is enough.

[Ashley Linne]

I agree!

[Alice Stegemann]

Not to sound like a commercial or anything, but have you looked at the new resource Pure Parenting? It might give you some ideas.

[Ashley Linne]

:) I haven't! I will add it to the list. (Which is steadily growing...) :)