Family Fun

[James Jackson]

During the holidays, there's no shortage of hilarious stuff your kids do that make you say, "I should start a blog." Well, here's your chance. Share your stories!

[Stephanie Salvatore]

Noticing the sleeves on my six-year-old’s 3T coat had become unfashionably 3/4 length, and anticipating our Thanksgiving trip up north, I decided to take her coat shopping. Rooky Mistake #1. NEVER take them with you. Unfortunately I had no choice, so I proceeded to Mistake #2. Burlington Coat Factory. Now, this may be a very lovely store in your town, but the one I went to had only one redeeming quality. It had just shy of 17 billion coats. I faced the mile-long rack of little girls coats so tightly wedged together that all the coat-stuffing had been forced into the sleeves, making them poke out at strange angles. I was determined. I’d been working out. I could handle this. Things were going smoothly until that moment...when...she saw it...the big, puffy, pink princess coat. She loved it. She had to have it. She couldn’t live another moment without it. I then made Mistake #3. Thinking the pink puffy monstrosity looked too small, I let her try it on. Unfortunately, it fit perfectly. And by perfectly, I mean she looked like a pink Michelin Man, arms held aloft by sheer puffiness, but with sleeves at the perfect length. The back of the coat featured a big square with three princesses stuck on it. The word “princess” was stitched in glittering silver thread for the benefit of those passers-by who have been living under a rock and might not recognize a Disney princess. It looked a bit like a little girl, disappointed with her unadorned Walmart coat had cut the princesses off her blankie and glued them on her coat when Mom wasn’t looking. I suspect Disney is not receiving royalties for this design. I patiently explained that we live in the mid-south. We don’t buy a play coat AND and church coat. We need one all-purpose coat. Puffy pink drama ensued. Forty-five minutes later, we’d tried on, cried on, and soaked at least 492 tasteful all-purpose coats that she hated. The drama culminated with, “Mommy...gasp, hiccup, gasp...I feel...gasp, gasp...like you...gasp...love your money...gasp, gasp gasp....more than you love meeeeeee.” The sad thing is that this was not a manipulative tantrum. I’m quite familiar with those. She was just so forlorn that she could not have the object of her desires that she loved more than anything else in the whole wide world that was so important to heeeeeer. “Mommy...gasp...how many....gasp...books would I have to...gasp...read to Ben to earn enough money for the coat?” Um, 84 books. “Oh..sniff.” I chose one of the hated coats (that she would have adored had I just showed up at home with it), walked to the checkout and discovered that all six lanes had about 30 hot, annoyed, sweaty people in them. I have no idea why. I told Chloe we’d wait in line ten minutes and see if the line moved. “Mommy...gasp...can you...gasp, gasp...hold meeeeee?” I picked her up. I, in my coat...she in her 3T coat, the new coat and 2 purses over my arm. We wait. We sweat. We wait some more. I’m so hot I might explode. The silent tears are leaking through my coat onto my blouse. Why am I standing in line to buy this coat she hates? It’s an hour past lunch. I feel like a nuclear reactor. My ears are starting to ring. I tell Chloe we are putting the coat back and going to lunch. Her reaction? “Nooooooo! My new cooooooooat! I neeeeeeed my new coooooooooat! We can’t leave without my new coooooooat!”

[James Jackson]

Note to self-- avoid Burlington Coat Factory! The weird thing is, boys don't act like this in the clothing aisle. They either hate everything, or are cool about everything. They don't fall in love with coats. Now, take them down the Lego aisle, and all bets are off.

[Shea]

You may be reading too many Santa stories when you ask your 7 year old how her day went and she replies, "GREAT! I was a jolly soul all day."

[James Jackson]

I heard a great definition of the word "coat" on the way in to work this morning: "A coat is what a kid wears when his mother is cold."